this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
