Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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