just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
