Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
