she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she told me i tasted like america
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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