I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
