I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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