I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
