as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
