Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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