We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
