I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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