shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
