Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
