Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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