Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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