he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
