And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
