it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
