nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
