i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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