isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
