In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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