alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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