oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
