Can Purell be used as lube?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
