Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
