I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
