I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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