how can u be prego again
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
