my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
