I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
