wrigley field is MILF paradise
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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