i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
