the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
