He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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