To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
