you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
