every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
