so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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