my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
