I must be too annoying 4 u.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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