She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
