the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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