Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
