when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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