I want to walk on stilts...naked
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ladies don't puke and tell
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
