we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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