I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
