and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
