if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
