theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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