When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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