i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
