so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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