so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
