OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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