walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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